It didn’t take me long to figure out that a story shouldn’t be all dialogue without a sense of where it is taking place. To me, the location should be as descriptive as possible in order to have the reader get a picture in his/her mind of what it would feel like to be right there alongside whomever I am talking about.
Let's suppose a scene whereby a fictitious Marshal named Jed Crane, is on the hunt for a well-known criminal named Wickes.
The Tell
Crane rode his horse down the only street of East Ridge. He guided his horse to a hitch pole in front of The Saucy Lady Saloon. He slid from the saddle, spun his reins, then stepped into the saloon.
Okay, now what picture have I just laid out for the reader? Not much.
The Show
So now let's show what came to Jed Crane’s eyes and what he did. (Remember, you are right there too.)
Jed Crane halted his horse on the edge of town, his eyes were active, searching for any movement by man or beast. There didn't appear to be anyone walking about. He didn't blame them, it was over 90 degrees out and seemed a lot hotter. He could see three horses, two sorrels and a bay, tied to a hitch pole in front of a shabby saloon. Two of the horses stood with heads down, dozing. The other one stood hip shot. All three lazed in their misery while awaiting their master's return. He tapped a heel to side of his sorrel to move forward on the dusty street of East Ridge. Both Jed and his horse were hot, sweaty, and tired from their all-day ride through the dry flat lands that stretched out twenty miles west of the one-street town.
Crane figured Wickes had not arrived yet, but he slipped the keeper thong off the hammer of his .45 single action Colt, just in case. He guided his horse to stand beside the other three. Crane slipped out of his saddle then spun the reins around the hitch pole, which leaned awkwardly to the left. He stood there for a moment taking in the Saucy Lady Saloon sign that hung above the doorway. The painted letters on the sign were faded and peeling but still readable. Over to his right, a big, yellow, shaggy dog lay stretched out in the scant shade of a bench that fronted the saloon. The dog eyed the man but did not bother to move. After Crane had stepped up two steps to the boardwalk, the dog closed his eyes. The saloon’s left swinging door stood open at an odd angle, the top rusty hinge having come loose. Crane, with one hand near the butt of his holstered .45, used his other hand he pushed the remaining door open, then stepped into the semi-darkened interior of the saloon.
Okay, a lot has been shown. Crane is hot and tired after a long ride. There are three horses, two sorrels and one bay, tied to a leaning hitch pole in front of a saloon. The street is dusty. The saloon’s sign has peeling paint. Did you see that lazy yellow dog? One of the saloon’s swinging doors is in disrepair. The inside of the saloon is in semi-darkness.
What do you think? Do you favor the tell or the show?
The show, at least, put a picture in my mind as to what the place looks like. Now is a good time for a convenient dialogue to begin between Crane and the bartender.
I am still learning and hope, in the future, to do a better job of sentence structure and punctuation. For now though, hang the word count, I do not want to be accused of being stingy with words when giving descriptions of a location.
Jerry,
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point that a writer walks a tightrope balancing act of providing the reader the perfect amounts of description and dialogue. I enjoy books with plenty of descriptive passages as I am such a visual learner.
I catch myself, at times, falling back to my old ways of telling instead of showing. I do pay attention to how other writers describe things in their narratives and it is helpful.
ReplyDeleteThanks for responding, Kaye.
Coming from writing scripts, it was difficult to transition to writing descriptions. Like you, I study masters like L'Amour and Leonard, then try to finesse it to make it my own. My goal, to make each story better. Don't always succeed, but at least I'm moving forward. Keep up the good work. Doris
ReplyDeleteYeah, sometimes it takes two or three rereads for me to get everything straight. Thank you, Doris.
DeleteJerry, that's one thing I have to always be careful of--I love a lot of dialogue to move the story along, but I sometimes go for paragraphs without making reference to where the characters are, what's going on around them, etc. I often have to go back and add that in because they can't just be talking in a vacuum. Great post--I really enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cheryl. I always go back and read my entire manuscript before presenting. Low and behold, I always find something that needs changing in order for that scene or moment to hold in the reader's memory. As an example, look at a barroom scene in High Noon, the original short story. During a scuffle, a bottle of whiskey falls to the floor, the bottle didn't break but the liquid inside swished back and forth inside the bottle. I can picture that. I loved it.
DeleteYears ago, when I first started writing, it was the custom to hook the reader with a paragraph or two of drama, then slide into pages of back story. I fell into that trap, too, until one day as I reread my opening chapter, I realized that in a moment of fight or flight, the last thing my character would be doing is thinking about the past. That was the author's head telling the reader. What an aha! moment. There can be enough showing amongst the action for the reader to get a sense of place, and when we need a breather, slip in some more description. I loved your examples and the showing really put me "there".
ReplyDeleteI agree, Elizabeth. A While back I gave a book to an acquaintance,later she told me that she read the entire book but did not get a feel for where the story was taking place. That woke me up to quit using generalities and never assume that my readers see the story the way I want them to. So I figured the best way to spell it out was to show them. Since, my friends comments, I have gone to great lengths to see that location is clarified, landmarks, terrain, etc. Then the actions and dialogue of the participants can be balanced.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Elizabeth.
Nicely done, Jerry. A clear and vivid description of Show 'n Tell. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks,Tom. I'm still learning how to take my own advice. I usually do that, make corrections, on the second read.
ReplyDeleteJerry, like Cheryl, I often have to go back and add in description of the surroundings, what the hero sees and feels. Because I can get caught up in dialogue. "Show" is better than tell. Those short stilted sentences all in a row, make me cringe. BTW: I get caught up in your stories and forget I'm not there.
ReplyDeleteWhen I am writing a story, I try to put myself right there in the midst of the action. I might go to extremes at time but that's the way I see it.
DeleteThanks for stopping in , Laurean. Good to hear from you
Thanks for the interesting post, Jerry. Its always interesting to hear how a writer approaches their work.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Keith.
DeleteYeah, I do not doubt that others arrange things as they see fit.