Tuesday, May 17, 2016

STORYTELLERS-7: VICKY J. ROSE by Tom RIzzo


Vicky J. Rose grew up a small central Texas town listening to stories about gunfighters, outlaws, buried treasure, and Indians. So it made sense to write about them. And she did. 

AUTHOR VICKY J. ROSE

In the sixth grade, she wrote a play about Jesse and Frank James. The desire to write pushed her to complete a couple of novels in her twenties that, by her own admission, didn't find the light of day.
About a year after submitting them, an editor finally got around to looking at one of the stories. 
"Obviously searching for something, anything, complimentary, to say about it, the editor said, 'It has a very nice title,' ” Vicky recalled. "I quit writing for a long time, thinking I needed to gather further experience and wisdom before trying again," she said. 
Several  years later, she tried again. This time, the results were different.  
She has written articles for Angelo State University’s Oasis and other publications as well as the anthologies of the Texas Folklore Society. 
Her short story, "A Promise Broken, A Promise Kept," in La Frontera’s Broken Promises anthology, ranked as a 2014 Spur Finalist. 
Lately, Vicky has turned her focus to writing novels.
StoryTeller-s Logo

1. You received an award last year for your short story—"A Promise Broken, A Promise Kept"—which ranked among the top three stories in Western Writers of America’s short fiction category. Tell us a little about that memorable author moment.

I could lie and say, “Oh, I was so thrilled; it was such a great honor,” etc., etc. But my first feelings were of disappointment because I didn’t win the Spur! I had a great belief in that story. 
Later, I did begin to realize what a great honor it is be a Spur finalist, and I am thrilled.  
Vicky J. Rose
2. You've written in the novel and short story formats. What different challenges to each present? 


It’s hard not to be too verbose in a short story. Everything has to be leaner. Every sentence, every word, has to count toward the point the author is trying to make. 
I took a class in screenwriting at Sam Houston State University, Dan Rather’s alma mater. The professor had us do an outline and all that stuff first. 
Then he told us our script could only be ten pages long. You should have heard the whining and complaining that it couldn’t be done but it is possible to pare down a story to its basic idea.  
When an author begins a novel, he or she is getting into a canoe and rowing down a river. The challenge is to stay on course, keep moving, and not be led down byways that go nowhere

3. What was the inspiration behind your novel, "Treasure Hunt in Tie Town"?


I had done some interviews around my hometown about local buried treasure legends for a paper I wanted to present to a history organization I belong to. It was turned down, and instead, the woman who was choosing the papers talked about her mother-in-law’s plate collection.
I tweaked it, submitted it to Lost Treasure magazine, and they jumped on it. Later, I thought it would make an interesting premise for a novel. Being shoved aside for somebody’s mother-in-law’s plate collection was the best thing that happened to that story. 
On a broader note, when I sit down to write a novel, it helps me to ask myself, “Who am I writing this for?”
Larry McMurtry stated he wanted to write a really good Western that would debunk the mystique of the Old West. With Lonesome Dove, I think he added even more layers to the mystique of the Old West, but he did write a fantastic novel. 

With Treasure Hunt, my goal was to simply write a really good Western. I don’t know how men feel about it. Women tell me they love it. But that’s the difference between men and women. 
I used to cut hair for a living. Men will say, “Thanks,” and that’s about it. With women, they either love it, or they are crying because they don’t like what you’ve done. That’s the reason I cut mainly men’s hair; I couldn’t take the drama. 
Another novel, tentatively titled Muskrat Hill, has been picked up by Kensington and will soon be published in their e-book and print-on-demand line.

 4. You write both fiction and non-fiction. How does your background play into your storytelling?


I grew up in a small town steeped in the history of the Wild West. After the Civil War, it became a hotbed of violence. It was so bad, Print Olive and his family had to leave and move to Colorado.
I had ancestors with ties to both sides of the law. It took vigilante justice to put a stop to the bloodshed because the law was afraid to even go there.
We knew we were from a backward small town that other people in the county looked down upon even years later, but we also realized we were special because of it. 
While in my fifties, I went to SHSU and later earned a degree in journalism from Angelo State University. Screenwriter and movie producer Frank Q. Dobbs told our newspaper writing class, “English majors read; journalism majors write.” 

 5. When did you first discover your love for writing? Any particular book or film or anything else inspire you? 


I’m not sure about a book or film, but when I was in sixth grade that play I wrote about Jesse James earned me praise from my family and friends. Since I’d never been praised for anything else, I thought it might be something I could possibly be good at. All my life, I’ve been a sporadic writer.

6. How do you approach the storytelling process once you get an idea? Do you plot things out or create as you write? 


I never was good at outlines, but since taking that screenwriting course, I’ve had good luck writing a screenplay about an idea first, and then turning it into a novel. 
They don’t always resemble one another closely when I’m finished, but writing a screenplay helps me to visualize the story I’m trying to tell.

  7. If you could meet one person from the Old West, who would it be and what one question would you ask? 


I would want to talk to my g-g-g-grandmother, Zillah Thompson Jackson, and I couldn’t stop with just one question. I would want to ask her: 
  • Why did you allow my g-g-g-grandfather to put a ladder against your window and steal you away on a fast horse when you were engaged to another man?
  • Why did you come to Texas? What was it like to be on the run from Santa Anna’s army?
  • How did it feel to be so close to the Battle of San Jacinto, you could hear the gunfire?
  • How did you tolerate living in fear of Indian attacks?”
And when she answered, I would hope that just a little bit of her courage would rub off on me.

More about Vicky Rose:
_______

Sunday, May 15, 2016

NOMINEES for the Sixth Annual (2016) Peacemaker Awards

 Western Fictioneers (WF) is pleased to announce the NOMINEES for the sixth annual (2016) Peacemaker Awards.







The Lifetime Achievement Peacemaker will be presented to Robert J. Randisi.






** Nominees are in no particular order.

6TH ANNUAL PEACEMAKER NOMINEES
2016 PEACEMAKER JUDGING RESULTS



BEST FIRST NOVEL:

DAKOTA TRAILS by Robert McKee (Pen-L Publishing)
PISTOL MAN by Daniel Cassidy (Whimsical Publications, LLC)
THE SKELETON WALKERS by Derek Burnett (Derek Burnett)
STRONG CONVICTIONS by GP Hutchinson (The Hutchinson Group, LLC)

BEST NOVEL:

A BRIDE FOR GILL by Dusty Richards (Galway Press)
BONE DIGGER by Douglas Hirt (Five Star Publishing)
LAST WILL by Ron Schwab (Poor Coyote Press)
LEGEND OF CALEB YORK by Mickey Spillane and Max Allan Collins (Kensington Books)
NIGHT OF THE COYOTE by Ron Schwab (Poor Coyote Press)

BEST WESTERN YA/CHILDREN FICTION:

A RANGER TO STAND WITH by James J. Griffin (Painted Pony Books)
DOGBREAD AND DIAMONDS  by Richard Prosch (Painted Pony Books)
THE ORPHANAGE by Sara Barnard (Painted Pony Books)
RAWHIDE ROBINSON RIDES THE TABBY TRAIL by Rod Miller (Five Star Publishing)
REDBUDS AND BULLETS  by Richard Prosch (Painted Pony Books)

BEST SHORT FICTION:

THE BOX MAKER by Scott Parker (Quadrant Fiction Studio)
FIVE SHOTS LEFT by Ben Bridges (Bookends)
HIDDEN TRAILS by Cheryl Pierson (Sundown Press)
HIGH MEADOW STORM by Wayne Dundee (Bil-Em-Ri Media) 
LONGEST WAY HOME by Lorrie Farrelly (Prairie Rose Publications)

Winners will be announced June 15, 2016 on the WF website (www.westernfictioneers.com) and on this blog.

Western Fictioneers (WF) was formed in 2010 by Robert J. Randisi, James Reasoner, Frank Roderus, Jory Sherman, and other professional Western writers, to preserve, honor, and promote traditional Western writing in the 21st century.  Entries were accepted in both print and electronic forms.  The Peacemaker Awards are given annually.  Submissions for the Peacemaker Awards for books published in 2016 will be open in July, 2016. Submission guidelines will be posted on the WF web site.  For more information about Western Fictioneers (WF) please visit: http://www.westernfictioneers.com

Western Fictioneers would like to thank Robert Vardeman for being Awards Chair and for the excellent job he has done.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Coughs & Colds in the Old West

The common cold has plagued mankind since we first walked the earth. Here are some patent medicines your characters might have turned to for relief. I've tried to find out the actual ingredients when possible, as well as the approximate dates you could have found the brand on the market and any advertising slogans they used. Occasionally, the advertisements also gave prices.

    White Pine and Tar Cough Syrup: alcohol, chloroform, white pine and tar (“For coughs, colds, hoarseness, sore throat, bronchitis, and all diseases of the throat and lungs”)
    Tuckers V. Vegetable Extract: 1846 (“warranted to cure asthma, bronchitis, canker, croup, coughs and colds, hoarseness, indigestion and sore throat”)
    Shiloh’s Catarrh Remedy: 1873-1883 (“A speedy and positive cure for catarrh, cold in the head, sore throat, canker mouth, and nervous headache”)
    Seabury’s Cough Balsam: after 1870 (“For coughs, colds, influenza, croup, whooping cough, asthma, other afflictions of the lungs and throat lading to consumption” “A marvelous cure for catarrh, diphtheria, canker mouth, and headache. With each bottle there is an ingenious Nasal Injector for the more successful treatment of these complaints”) 50 cents
    Dr. Lawrence’s Cough Balsam: 1879-1905, alcohol, cannabis, chloroform and antimony (“For coughs, colds, hoarseness, sore throat, tightness or soreness of the chest, whooping cough, bronchitis, croup, and all inflammations of the chest and lungs”) Trial size 25 cents, family size $1 bottle 
    Durno’s Catarrh Snuff: 1870-1900 (“For sore eyes, deafness, headache, and the worst forms of catarrh in the head and throat”) 34 cents
    Mann’s Wonderful Catarrh Remedy: 1870-1900 (“For catarrh, colds, headaches, sore throat”)
    Z.C. Alden’s Catarrh Cure: 1872-1880 (“For catarrh, cold in the head, headache”)
    Magic Cure for Chills and All Fevers: 1875-1883 (“Cures malarial fevers, headaches, dyspepsia, neuralgia, rheumatism, piles, costiveness”)
    The “Allenburys” Throat Pastilles: from the 1700's, diamorphine ("Heroin") and cocaine or eucalyptus and cocaine, some also have menthol; by Allen and Hanbury, London, from 1700s 
    Quaker’s Black Drops: opium-based lozenge
    Dr. Barton’s “Brown Mixture”: opium/paregoric and licorice
    Ayer’s Cherry Pectoral: 1840’s-1890, cherry extract and morphine (“Cures colds, coughs and all diseases of the throat and lungs)
    Wistar’s Balsam of Wild Cherry: 1840-1890s, cherry bark, alcohol and opiates (“of all the remedies ever discovered for the diseases of the Pulmonary Organs, it is universally admitted that nothing has ever proved as successful as that unrivaled medicine - Dr. Winstar’s Balsam of Wild Cherry, which has effected some of the most astonishing cures every recorded in the history of Medicine”)
    Dr. Kilmer's Indian Cough Cure: before 1906 ("For coughs, colds, croup, hoarseness, congestion, inflammation, tightness across the chest, catarrh, bronchial catarrh, asthma, bronchitis, consumption, and all diseases of the chest, throat and lungs")
    Kemp's Balsam: after 1883, chloroform, tar emetic, oil of tar, sodium salicylate ("Cures coughs, colds, bronchitis, catarrh, asthma, influenza and all throat and lung diseases. Affords immediate relief in the severest cases of whooping cough, croup and all throat disorders.") 50 cents
    Wilson's Catarrh Cure: ca 1880 ("Cures catarrh, headache, nervous pains.")
    Dr. Shoop's Cough Cure: 1892-1912, white pine tar ("For the treatment of all coughs arising from colds, catarrh, bronchitis, whooping cough, asthma, and consumption in its earliest stages.") 25 cents
    Sirop-Sulfo-Phenique: after 1878 ("Chronic cases of catarrh, asthma, rheumatism, skin diseases.") $1.00  
    Dr. Tucker No. 59 Cough Drops: ca 1880, ginger, anise, cinnamon, capsicum ("Cure of coughs, colds, sore throat, bronchial affections.")
    P.C.W. Cough Drops: before 1900 ("For coughs, colds, sore throats and hoarseness.")
    Sa-Yo Italian Mint Jujubes: ca 1897 ("For coughs and throat irritations.") 5 cents
    Ballard's Horehound Syrup: after 1885, alcohol, chloroform, horehound ("For the instant relief and certain cure of consumption, coughs, colds, asthma, dry hacking cough, loss of voice, irritation of throat, soreness of chest, croup, spitting of blood, influenza, lung fever, whooping cough, etc.")
    The Inspirator and Great Geneva Remedy: ca 1890, inhaled instead of taken by mouth ("For catarrh, hay fever, asthma, bronchitis, catarrhal deafness, colds, headaches, including early consumption, and all diseases where the nerves, muscles and tissues of the head, throat and lungs are involved.")
    Taylor's Cherokee Remedy of Sweet Gum and Mullein: after 1883 ("For coughs, colds, croup, whooping cough, hoarseness and all affections arising from the inflamed condition of the throat and lungs.") 25 cents
    One Minute Cough Cure: 1894-1906 ("For all diseases of the throat, bronchial tubes and lungs, including pneumonia, bronchitis, coughs, colds, asthma, whooping cough, sore throat, difficult respiration, pains in the chest, night sweats and hemorrhages of the lungs.")  
    Balm of America: 1862-1871 ("For coughs, colds, pulmonary complaints, consumption, asthma, whooping cough, pleurisy, spitting blood, etc.")
    Hollis' Vegetable Pectoral Syrup: 1862-1871 ("For coughs, colds, bronchitis, whooping cough.")
    Dr. Fuller's Electro Spiral Magnetic Vegetable Vapor Cure: 1888-1906 ("For headache; neuralgia; catarrh; hoarseness; asthma, hay fever; colds in the head; pleurisy and sciatica; nervous headache; dizziness; clouded memory; loss of nerve power, and all diseases of the mucous membrane.")
    Dr. Batty’s Asthma Cigarettes: ca 1890 (“Effectively treats: asthma, hay fever, foul breath, and all diseases of the throat” “not recommended for children under six”)  
    Dr. Hermance’s Radical Cure for the Asthma: ca 1880 $1.00
    Madame West’s Bronchial Balsam: ca 1890 (“one of the oldest and best remedies for coughs and colds. Give it a try”)
    Brown’s Bronchial Troches: ca 1890 (“For coughs, sore throats, asthma, catarrh and diseases of the bronchial tubes, no better remedy can be found”) 25 cents


Tuesday, May 10, 2016

WHISPERS OF ANCIENT SOULS By Shayna Matthews

WHISPERS OF ANCIENT SOULS BY SHAYNA MATTHEWS


The Ancient Ones taken by Shayna Matthews.


“You have a very old soul…it’s ancient. Every time I see you, I look in your eyes and wonder what it is you’re searching for.” These were the words of a dear family friend, directed at me. I was in my early teens at the time, and his comment startled me. It isn’t often, after all, that someone tells a fifteen year old they have an ancient soul. I still contemplate the shrewd observation of that friend, and I can only ascertain that he saw something beyond the normal struggles of teenage angst. I wish I would have thought to question him further about what it was. What on earth did he see in me to voice such a strange observation? Whatever it was, I took it as a compliment then as I do now.

Maybe some of us are meant to search for things we are not even consciously aware of. Of course, if we are searching for something we don’t even realize we are looking for, how do we know when we’ve found it? Beats me.

And what of the word “ancient”? My friend specifically chose that word, but why? I like that word, ancient. I like it a lot. The word itself is shrouded in mystery, leaving us to ponder the unknown. ‘Ancient’ is history, and what is history? A plethora of stories…real stories pieced together from the lives of those who came before us. Granted, piecing together life-stories, or ancient history, largely depends upon remnants of fact dependent upon word of mouth, and we all know what happens when we play whisper-down-the-lane. Still, the stories are in the wind…waiting for the right searcher to wander along and find it.

When I finally decided to listen to the whispers in my ear, I laid aside my own reservations and put pen to paper. I knew nothing of what I wanted to write, but characters appeared like visceral specters before my eyes. No, not characters...people. They took my hand with a wink and a promise, drawing me into the past. I knew as long as I kept my mind open, they would reveal their story to me. It was THE ONE: the thing I was searching for. It seems to me now, a few years later, that this sweeping tale I am now weaving with words was, perhaps, biding its time. As years wore on, and the decades faded into the span of a century, the story waited...searching. Searching for an ancient soul, one who would listen. One who would hear. One who would write.

My husband and I took a trip to the American Southwest a few years ago, where we retraced footsteps of ancestors. We chased them down on horseback through the deserts in Arizona, scaled terrifying wooden ladders up sheer cliffs, drifted down the Colorado through rugged canyons, and visited their homesteads, cabins and ruins.

Chasing the trails of my characters' heroes... this is the last remaining bunkhouse standing from the Hashknife Outfit.


I remember standing on the rim of a canyon, carved by a chocolate-milk river far below, and noticed a cairn only a few feet away. Now I do not know the truth of the myth, but it's said that these little stone stacks are the result of soul-searchers passing by. A stone is conspicuously placed on top of another, and as the next person passes by, another stone is added. It is accompanied by a silent prayer to the ones who came before. I added a pebble to the top of the tower, and sent a voiceless prayer to the four winds. As I did so, I felt something stir around me. Raising my arms to the sun, I embraced the breeze, and I heard them whisper. This is what I was searching for; the release of secrets locked deep within, the secrets of a place I had never been, but knew infinitely well. I found the soul of the American West, or perhaps it found me.

The author, Shayna, in Natural Bridges, Utah. A cairn is shown in the foreground.

Scenes-visions if you will-flashed through my thoughts for the remainder of that journey, and my characters and I have not been silenced since.

We have a fantastic connection now, my characters and I. They are unveiling their stories to me, and it is only when I forget to listen that I flounder. I want to write a different scene, take the story a different way. They laugh, fold their arms across their chest, and shake their heads. "Amateur," they say. "She thinks she's writing this book." We argue; I delete, write, rewrite and delete again, over and over until I scream for mercy, and in the end beg them to guide me back to the right path. And so it goes.

Now, even though I found something already, I'm still searching, for I believe the heart of an adventurer will always do so without fail. But now I can look back on that anguished girl of fifteen as she contemplates her friend's observation, and smile. I have the unfailing love and support of a wonderful man who owns my heart, and a beautiful little boy whose smile lights up the darkest of days. Thanks to whatever (dare I say, Whomever?) it was that took hold of me on the top of that cliff somewhere between Arizona and Utah, I have a firm toehold on the journey chosen to be my path of success...writing western stories from the heart within my ancient soul.

50 foot wooden ladder we climbed to reach the top of a cliff dwelling.


Perhaps, everyone is searching for something, whether they know it or not. Sometimes, the answer is right there in your ear, whispered on the wind. You need only summon the courage to listen.

What are you searching for? Have you found it, yet?

Saturday, May 7, 2016

JAMES OLIVER CURWOOD and my FATHER by Charlie Steel

Photograph of James Oliver Curwood
James Oliver Curwood was born in Owosso, Michigan on June 12, 1878 and died August 13, 1927.  He died early, from the complications of what is thought to be a spider bite, gotten while fishing in Florida.

Curwood was a man who loved the wilderness, especially Canada and Alaska.  But, he also loved all of the outdoors.  Later in life, while hunting a bear in the Rockies, he fell and broke his rifle.  The bear and Curwood were on a narrow cliff and the bear arose, roared, and then passed by, letting the man live.  After that, Curwood gave up hunting for trophies and advocated for wildlife preservation in all its forms, from planting trees, planting fish, and management of all species.

But let me tell you a personal story my father told me about James Oliver Curwood.  This incident occurred in West Branch, Michigan around 1920.  James Oliver Curwood was by then one of the best selling authors in America and he was well known and a very famous person.  The train stopped in town and word got around that Curwood was visiting the downtown stores.  My father, about age 8, heard this and came running.  By then a gang of boys was following the famous author from store to store.

This is what my father told me, many times when I was a child.  Father said, "He was wearing a fringed buckskin coat, leather gloves with long cuffs, and high top laced boots.  He was a sight to see and I followed those other boys hoping to get a chance to speak to him.  Finally, I had my chance and I said, 'Mr. Curwood I've read your books!'"

"And what is your name, sonny?" asked the writer.

"Glenn, sir!"

"Well, put it there Glenn," said Curwood and they shook hands.

Every time my father told me that story, his eyes gleamed and his face beamed in a wide smile.

AND...there is more to the story.  At age eight I opened the cabinet that contained my father's many books and among them were most of the published works of JAMES OLIVER CURWOOD.  As my father before me, I read those books and fell in love with Curwood's words.

A really great short story of his is THE MOUSE.  If you haven't read it, you better find it, or get it on line and give an audio listen, for it is a fantastic, unusual, and heartwarming story.  It is very well written and gives great pleasure.  HERE'S A YOUTUBE LINK OF A PUBLIC DOMAIN READING:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NReEAtf2uzo

My favorite story of his, is:  WAPI THE WALRUS (about a large dog).  It was made into a movie three times and Rock Hudson starred in the last one titled, BACK TO GOD'S COUNTRY.

My father and I both adored James Oliver Curwood's writing.  He loved the north country, (as we did) the great forests, and the animals in them.  His writing is perhaps melodramatic and antiquated but his stories are fun to read and THE MOUSE stands up against any writer, any time, anywhere in the world.

JAMES OLIVER CURWOOD deserves to be read and remembered!

Charlie Steel, Author
http://www.amazon.com/Charlie-Steel/e/B00H6US1P8

 

Monday, May 2, 2016

Never Too Old to Learn

Although I abhor the fact we have lived through real threats to our culture and society, to our lives, to arrive at an age where great universities and even libraries issue “trigger warnings,” I feel the need to issue a trigger warning in preface to this blog.  It may be too personal a subject for enjoyable first Monday of the month blog reading.

A month or so ago, I received a surprising rejection. Rejection should surprise no writer, I admit, but this novel has a strong story line and its writing had not sprung, mirabile dictu, from my forehead.  It had taken two years of hard work and three beta readers. In a fit of assuming I had grown up, matured, and learned something, I neither subjected it to a workshop nor did I hire an editor to review the last draft (something I had done for both my published novels.)

My rejection carried a second surprise. A 486 word evaluation report came back citing four reasons for the rejection.  After reading the four reasons, 1. Head-hopping, 2. Generally, the prose style is weak, 3. Character inconsistencies, and 4. Show, don't tell, I had to take a few moments, well, a few days, to self-connect (breathe, what are you feeling? what do you need?)

What I felt was kicked in the stomach and open to learn from what the evaluation told me, both.  What I needed was to understand how the evaluator saw what she saw because with all but one of her comments, I could not even understand what she was talking about. 

I turned to a friend whom I trust, who has the background and the accomplishment to guarantee that his comments are borne of competence.  I asked him to do this for a professional fee, not because he needed it or wanted it.  The fee serves as the welder’s torch, creating the bond between my seriousness and his work on my behalf.

From the evaluation, it became clear that the evaluator had read the first seven chapters of the novel, about thirty pages and about 8,000 words.  That is what I sent him, along with the evaluator’s comments, and the broad assignment to help me understand what and why she said what she said.  

He did his work and, with time, the thirty pages came back, fully commented upon, with a summary of his observations.

A Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron, has a wonderful book/cd named Unconditional Confidence in which she trains her students that unconditional confidence is not the confidence that everything will work out the way you want it to.  That is ego at work.  Unconditional confidence is the confidence that no matter what you are handed, you can deal with it.  That practice was my practice before, during, and after reading what my friend had to say. 

I read what he sent me and on a second reading, started to take notes.  The remainder of this blog is those notes, sometimes with a little addendum about what I did with them.

a. Point of view: my friend chose to use p.o.v., instead of the jargon head-hopping, and he identified every ambiguous, wandering, or switching p.o.v   I have spent a lot of time with my butt in the seat of a classroom, including workshops, physical and online, as well as researched p.o.v. My current point of view on p.o.v., not quite despairing, contains a very large dose of how will I ever master this?

b. The philosophy of writing dialogue: I did not even know there was such a philosophy. My research tells me it was initially articulated by Martin Buber.  About fifty-years ago, I was thrilled to be the only one, among my friends, who had read the entire collected works of Martin Buber.  It did not even count that I was not Jewish.  Now, I am embarrassed to say, I have reveled in the collection of compliments on dialogue in my stories, and I had never heard of the philosophy of writing dialogue. Welcome back to earth!

c. The principle of show don’t tell.

At this point, I also started noting some of his observations, helpful without being part of the list: “It’s as if something has alienated her and you won’t win her back.”  This is a valuable, general observation that fully explains why the first two or three pages are very important.  There’s no good reason to make an enemy before you get started.

d. Parallelism. How does that principle work with “with” and “and”? Back to research.

“Some editors may not care for a story that begins with dialogue.”  I had never heard this before, so I googled it.  I can tell you, he is 552,000 times right.

e. What is telling? e.g in my draft, he pointed out, “The conflict has already been shown.”

f. The rules of the comma.  I am one of the people who has memorized Strunk and White, so this comment came as a great surprise. I went back to my Strunk and White.  There were all the rules I had learned and memorized and not followed.

g. You might want to get rid of the ‘ly’ adverbs.  Everyone knows that.  Still, I was charmed by his gentle way of saying it.  So, I did a find and replace: 79 replacements in 8,000 words.  This alone could be the subject of an essay.  That is 1% and yet it is enough to poison the water for a reader (and when reader = evaluator, it is real trouble.)

h. This sounds like a lecture from an omniscient voice.  A particularly troublesome observation because I doubt any fiction writer wants to be viewed as lecturing.  When you need to get information on the page, how do you do it without lecturing?

i. In the narration, lose the contractions.  Dialogue only.  If you have an opinion on this, go to the internet.  There is a string devoted entirely to debating this point.  I offer no contra-argument.  I am going to follow the suggestion and duck the confrontation.

j. Unclear pronoun antecedent.  Oops

k. Pronoun use.  Pronouns are a bit thick. Oops.

l. Multiple viewpoint characters.  This flaw probably follows or causes the wandering point of view diagnosed above.  Trying to adhere to the principle of telling the story from one point of view (best) or two points of view (next best, etc.) poses a challenge when the story includes multiple character conflicts.

“Some editors flinch at the verb ‘to get’ in its various forms.”

m. Up, down, out, got identified twelve times on one page.

n. Summary narration,  This should be a realized scene or else covered by someone else’s inference.    Perhaps back to the show and tell issue, but what a fascinating insight.  This particular risk arises trying to create a bridge from one scene to the next.
 
o. Artistic control.  Expediency rather than artistic control. I’ll end on that one.  It is such an elegant thought. It carries me through my continued efforts. 

If something burned into the brain by the branding iron of pain can change the neural pathways, perhaps this experience will help me develop artistic control. 
 
EverySoulIsFree_Front-200.jpg
E-mail Edward Massey with comments, author of 2014 Gold Quill winner, Every Soul Is Free and Amazon ABNA 2009 Quarter-finalist, Telluride Promise.